Our Top Ten Holiday Gifts for the Gay Guy Who has Everything

From underwear we will wear once and hide away in some deep dark corner of our sock drawers, to an authentic replica of Bel Ami’s Lukas Ridgestone’s “endowment”, in our house its always been a tradition to get at least one reminder for one’s partner that we are indeed gay.

For new couples and for those just coming out of the closet, pride rainbow-colored candles or chocolate flavored body butter are the bomb, but after a while you realize that not only does he have more rainbow-colored items then a Wizard of Oz museum, but  that you’re actually going to have to eat that sweaty, sticky chemical strawberry flavored candy jock strap.

So we’ve complied a top ten list of gifts that not only fit the bill, but most are just as useless as that Billy Doll that now sits on a shelf in your office collecting dust:

#10 The Lady Gaga Workshop collection from Barneys

Seriously, what gay boy wouldn’t want to sip tea from an authentic Mama Monster inspired teacup or play with their very own set of little monsters? The price on some of the merchandise might make you wish you really were living on the edge of glory, the Noritaka Tatehana Night Maker Shoes carries a $4,100 price tag for example, but most of the pieces in the collection are somewhat affordable including the $9.99 stainless steel sharpie so that your special man can hand out his number when you’re not looking in style baby. Click HERE to check out the whole collection.

#9 Gay Bar Soap

This one has been around a while, but since we’ve never gotten one, we are going to assume you haven’t either. It’s the perfect gift for that “straight acting only” guy you met on Craig’s List. The perfect combination of machoism and “OMG, Brad Pitt is so friggin hawt!”  About $8.00 American dollars from the UK website Spinninghat.com

 #08 A Joe Phillips Beefcake Heroes Original

One of our first “gay” Christmas gifts from a beloved ex was Phillip’s House of Morecock DVD way back when gay cartoons were still somewhat of a novelty. Obviously our love affair with the hot but silly DVD outlasted the love affair with said boy, but it’s the thought that counts.

Joe has moved on to our favorite super heroes. This one will set you back a bit. In fact,  it will set you back a lot, a signed print is a thousand dollars! But hey, you spend that much on a gift and you are sure to never be forgotten.  Your choice of heroes, from Spiderman to the X-Men. Available from Alexanders Fine Arts. If you’re looking for something a little cheaper but equally as cool, while we were researching this article we discovered that Phillips actually made a House of Morecock The Sequel..so Ex, if you’re reading this..how about another Christmas present, just for old-time sake?

#7 A Hand Made “Gay is Not A Punchline” Shirt

We think this is not only cool to look at, but it sends a message as well. It’s cheaper than any of the queer themed shirts at American Apparel but still has that, “Wow, cool shirt” factor.  According to the website,”All designs are hand-stenciled & spray painted.”  That means that NOTHING is mass-produced and each piece is one-of-a-kind!” $22.00 from Rainbow Alternative in their Etsey Store. 

#6 Gay Santa Kiss Ornament by Mark Thaler

In our house we have a tradition where every year we each choose a new ornament to put on the tree.  We like this one so much we might just have to order the whole Mark Thaler collection16.95 from Zazzle.com

#5 One Piece Hooded Pajamas with Drop Seat

This gift will make you the number one boyfriend in your house when he opens up these cozy throwbacks to his days of eating Fruit Loops in front of Saturday morning cartoons on the T.V.  Besides, nothing is sexier than having immediate access to his rear, just saying. Available in lots of styles and designs. About 49.99 from Jumpin Jammers.com

 #4 2012 Men on a Mission Calender

A few years ago, 34-year-old Chad Hardy made a splash when he started taking the shirts off of returned LDS missionaries. The blockbuster calendar also got him excommunicated from the church.  Whatever you think about the LDS church, you have to admit there’s something hot about all those sexually frustrated companions coming to your door, or in this case, hanging around your room bare chested and looking like a revelation. This, sadly, is the calendar’s final edition. “2012 will be the last one,” Hardy says. “It makes money every year, so I could continue to do it, but the message has been said. It’s time for me to move on to my next project.” $15.95 from Mormons Exposed.

#3 A Fabulous Weekend Getaway in fabulous Las Vegas Nevada

This isn’t just any old getaway to Las Vegas. This is the maiden voyage of Pride Tours, an LGBTQIA focused getaway Bus touring company that offers it all from pride festivals to wine tasting tours. What better way to spend a weekend then with a bunch of new gay friends? Plus, it’s owned and operated by former Twin Falls resident David Beach, who tells Q Salt Lake,“A lot of bus tours focus on extreme budgeting and have cheap accommodations, but ours focuses on comfort and entertainment while remaining affordable,” Beach said. “When you join a Pride Tour, you can customize it to fit your style. We plan all the hotels, meals and activities. Participate in what you want and skip the rest. We want to make your trip as simple as possible.”

“Guests need only to plan transportation to the launch city and Pride Tours USA takes care of the rest. Some meals are included in the purchase price, as is the hotel stay, so budgeting for the trip is simple and no planning is required,” reports the magazine.

For the Las Vegas trip, the bus leaves from Salt Lake on Friday, February 10th and returns on Sunday February 12th. Cost is $399.00 per person or $599.00 per couple. For more information click on over to the Pride Tours website.

#2. Chillerama DVD Autographed By Sean Paul Lockhart

It’s no secret our favorite adult film star is Idaho native Sean Paul Lockhart, better known as Brent Corrigan. He’s got everything!!! A nice smile, gorgeous eyes and..

Anyway, what red-blooded American gay boy would not want to wake up on Christmas morning and find an autographed DVD of one of America’s hottest porn stars turned actors?

If you haven’t seen this homage to the era of B-horror films, IMDB describes it like this,”It’s the closing night at the last drive-in theater in America and Cecil B. Kaufman has planned the ultimate marathon of lost film prints to unleash upon his faithful cinephile patrons. Four films so rare that they have never been exhibited publicly on American soil until this very night! With titles like Wadzilla, I Was A Teenage Werebear, The Diary of Anne Frankenstein, and Zom-B-Movie, Chillerama not only celebrates the golden age of drive-in B horror shlock but also spans over four decades of cinema with something for every bad taste.”

We’ll take their word for it. We just want his autograph. $35.00 in Lockhart’s ebay store.

#1 The Natural Harvest Cookbook

If there is one gift on this list  that he’ll NEVER have thought of it’s THIS one. We’ll let this speak for itself. From the Natural Harvest website,” Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes explores the culinary value of semen through beautiful photographs and delectable recipes.” We aren’t sure if they are serious or not but you gotta love the pile of pudding on the cover. $24.95 from where else? Cooking with Cum.com.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: